when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
