also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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