I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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