woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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