She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm getting married
To pizza
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
