she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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