you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My ass is underappreciated
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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