Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I want is dick and wine.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
