I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
