The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am one with the molecules
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize