You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
