i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
