You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
