I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
