My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
