you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
