i jhust puked up my retainher.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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