I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
