i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
