I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
