Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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