didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
