he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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