I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
