I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
