and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
