I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
