I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
