Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
