i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
