I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
