I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
