Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
