So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
