I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
