So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize