Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
