I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
