You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
