You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
