I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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