I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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