She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
