I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
