I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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