We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
