just tell him i said nine months
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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