But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize