she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
