I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
