Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
