Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
