My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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