Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
is it fun? or sober?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
