He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
