I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
