I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
