wanna go halves on a baby?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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