Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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