I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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