btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
