the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
BRING THE BAGELS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
