Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
