If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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