its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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