the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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