Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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