my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Randomize
