So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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