I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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