his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
