I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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