he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
