should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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