i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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