I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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