i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
