my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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