Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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