I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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