she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
