How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
